Chris Voss

Sponsors: Plunge & ROKA

Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness

Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music

“Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing

Generosity

Sponsor: AG1

Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration

Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip”

Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions

Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries

Sponsor: InsideTracker

“Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation

Lying & Body, “Gut Sense”

Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues

Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters”

Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience

Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes

Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling

Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality

Physical Fitness, Self-Care

Long Negotiations & Recharging

Hostages, Humanization & Names

Tactical Empathy, Compassion

Tool: Mirroring Technique

Tool: Proactive Listening

Family Members & Negotiations

Self Restoration, Humor

Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects

“Sounds Like…” Perspective

Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

- Andrew Huberman interviews Chris Voss, a former FBI agent and negotiation expert.
- Voss discusses techniques for having difficult conversations and seeking optimal outcomes in various contexts.
- He emphasizes the importance of paying attention to emotions in order to accurately process information and be heard.
- Voss shares techniques for detecting deception and determining if someone is lying during negotiations.
- Voss recommends wearing sunglasses during the day for bright light but not during morning sunlight viewing to set the circadian rhythm.
- He discusses the mindset of being playful and joking during negotiations, which can lead to surprising outcomes.
- Importance of direct and succinct communication style for problem-solving and collaboration.
- Importance of self-care for better performance in all aspects of life.

- Andrew Huberman interviews Chris Voss, a former FBI agent and expert in negotiation.
- Voss discusses how to have difficult conversations and seek optimal outcomes in various contexts, including business, relationships, and work.
- He emphasizes the importance of paying attention to emotions, both your own and others', in order to accurately process information and be heard in discussions.
- Voss also talks about the role of physical and mental stamina in difficult conversations and decision-making.
- He shares techniques for detecting deception and determining if someone is lying during negotiations.

- The podcast is separate from the speaker's teaching and research roles at Stanford.
- The speaker aims to provide free information about science and science-related tools to the general public.
- The first sponsor is Plunge, which offers a versatile at-home self-cooling cold plunge for deliberate cold exposure.
- The second sponsor is Roka, which makes high-quality eyeglasses and sunglasses designed for performance and everyday use.
- The speaker recommends wearing sunglasses during the day for bright light but not during morning sunlight viewing to set the circadian rhythm.

- A lawyer describes their job as scaring people for money.
- Lawyers assess the other party's ability to pay and probe for liability insurance.
- In a specific example, someone threatens to sue for an exorbitant amount of money after a dog park incident.
- Lawyers use how and what questions to assess the seriousness of the other party and their willingness to settle.
- In high friction negotiations, the goal is to slow down and exhaust the aggressive party.

- InsideTracker is a personalized nutrition platform that analyzes data from blood and DNA to help understand the body and meet health goals.
- Regular blood work is important for understanding immediate and long-term health factors.
- InsideTracker provides a personalized platform to easily understand blood test results and offers protocols to adjust numbers for optimal health.
- InsideTracker is conducting a giveaway valued at $6,000, including a year of tests, a consultation with a dietician, and a rowing machine.
- To learn more and enter the giveaway, visit fitnessfuelslongevity.com.

- The process of wearing down a bad actor involves asking legitimate questions about how they will follow through on their threats.
- The goal is to get the bad actor to clarify what implementation looks like and determine if they have any intention of complying.
- Vision drives decision, meaning that if the bad actor has thought through the implementation and is open to it, they are more likely to comply.
- In a kidnapping scenario, getting the bad guys to agree on an exchange point for the hostage increases the chances of compliance because it is a hassle to drag the hostage back.
- In negotiations with kidnappers, getting a verbal promise to let the hostage go at the end is important, as it reveals whether they are telling the truth or lying.

- The speaker had a gut feeling about someone being off, which later turned out to be true.
- The speaker believes in the accuracy of the gut and the existence of energetic exchanges that neuroscience can't explain.
- There is evidence suggesting that humans may have magnetoreception and that the nervous system can be influenced by things we hear and see.
- The subconscious is described as the real supercomputer where knowledge processing and wisdom reside.
- The speaker believes in trusting the gut and acknowledges personal flaws.

- Negotiations can take place over the phone, face-to-face, or through text, each with different cues and information available.
- When negotiating face-to-face, visual cues such as body language and facial expressions are important to pay attention to.
- The ratio of importance in communication is often debated, but the most important thing is whether the cues line up and are in alignment.
- It is important to be cautious about assigning meaning to affective cues, as they can be contextual and subjective.
- In face-to-face negotiations, it is necessary to double-check information and ask for repetition without making the other person feel interrogated.

- In online and text communications, it is important to focus on one point and avoid including too much information.
- The speaker had to address a problem with a documentary film and communicated this through a two-line text message.
- The speaker and the filmmaker quickly resolved the issue through a 10-minute conversation, avoiding unnecessary small talk.
- The direct and succinct communication style allowed for a problem-solving approach and a collaborative relationship.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of being a straight shooter, delivering the truth in a soft and honest manner.

- The speaker is discussing the process of ending a relationship, whether it be romantic or business-related.
- They mention that in these situations, one side usually wants to continue while the other wants to end the relationship.
- The speaker questions if there is a way to have a direct and honest conversation about ending the relationship while still being considerate of the other person's feelings.
- They suggest that most of the time, people are trying to save themselves rather than the other person when they delay or soften the conversation.
- The speaker advises that when terminating a relationship, it is best to do it quickly and directly, without lingering or trying to save oneself.

- The concept of ego depletion is being discussed, which is similar to decision fatigue.
- Ego depletion is the idea that defending one's position depletes dopamine and leads to a shift in thinking.
- The speaker suggests that wearing someone out in a negotiation can lead to temporary compliance, but the person will recharge and potentially deviate from the agreement.
- Ego depletion is not a reliable way to achieve a business deal that will stick.
- The speaker also mentions the negative consequences of staying up all night to resolve a disagreement, as people may feel differently after getting a good night's sleep.

- The speaker emphasizes the importance of approaching negotiations with a relaxed and playful mindset.
- They discuss the need for readiness in negotiations, as they often arise unexpectedly.
- The speaker shares their practice of engaging in small stakes interactions throughout the day to keep their negotiation skills sharp.
- They mention using open-ended questions, such as "What do you love about...?" to trigger a positive state change in others and gain insight into their character.
- The speaker highlights the importance of aligning core values in negotiations.

- People vary in their propensity to vent, but venting often amplifies feelings of frustration.
- When someone comes to you to vent, it's important to try and understand the underlying emotions driving their frustration.
- Frustration is about being denied a goal in the future, while anger is about being upset about something in the past.
- To effectively help someone vent, it's important to let them feel heard and relieve their negative emotions without giving advice or correcting them.
- Engaging in a spiritual practice, regardless of religious affiliation, can be beneficial for overall health and well-being.

- The speaker is interviewing Chris Voss, who has a skillset in negotiation and communication.
- Voss emphasizes the importance of understanding the real issue and determining if there is a deal worth pursuing.
- He mentions the value of diagnosing the other party's intentions and being willing to deal with difficult people.
- Voss also discusses the mindset of being playful and joking during negotiations, which can lead to surprising outcomes.
- He shares a personal experience at an airport where his playful approach resulted in exceptional service.

- The speaker has always been into sports and fitness, but not particularly good at them.
- They have tried weightlifting, martial arts, and other forms of physical training.
- Currently, they focus on maintaining a good diet and using tools like cold plunges and saunas for physical and psychological benefits.
- The speaker believes that taking care of oneself is important for showing up better in all aspects of life.
- They view self-care as refilling the fuel tank to have more energy and capacity for important conversations and goals.

- The speaker recalls a long negotiation during the second Iraq war involving a man who claimed to have bombs in Washington, DC.
- The speaker felt confident in handing off the negotiation to a skilled team leader and was able to sleep at night.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of not running oneself into the ground and taking time to recharge.
- The speaker mentions a siege in St. Martin's parish that lasted six days and required endurance.
- The speaker discusses the possibility of keeping someone on the line during a siege while a SWAT team conducts an assault, citing a famous siege in London as an example.

- The transcript discusses a case in Sacramento where a youth gang took over an electronics store called Good Guys Siege in the late 80s or early 90s.
- The bad guys in the case began dehumanizing the hostages by putting bags over their heads, indicating they were preparing to execute them.
- The discussion then shifts to the topic of how people should respond when faced with a hostage situation, with the suggestion that complying and humanizing oneself may increase chances of survival.
- The conversation briefly touches on the use of names in animal research, where giving animals names is discouraged to maintain a more detached relationship.
- The transcript ends with a mention of an upcoming documentary on tactical empathy, set to be released in the beginning of next year.

- Empathy extends beyond feeling someone's pain and involves the transmission of information.
- Compassion is the reaction to the transmission of information.
- Empathy is about demonstrating an understanding of someone's perspective, not necessarily agreeing or liking them.
- Tactical empathy involves actively demonstrating verbally that you understand where someone is coming from.
- Empathy can have a powerful effect and make others feel understood, even in cases of mental illness or cultural differences.

- Mirroring is a simple and effective communication tool that involves repeating one to three words of what someone has just said.
- Mirroring is different from body language mirroring and does not involve mimicking physical or vocal aspects of the person.
- Mirroring helps to connect thoughts and encourages the person to expand on their ideas.
- Mirroring can be used to help someone hear themselves out loud and regain their train of thought.
- Mirroring is a powerful tool for communication and can be especially effective for individuals with high IQ and EQ.

- Proactive listening is a valuable skill that is often overlooked.
- It is important to label and acknowledge negative emotions in order to diminish their impact.
- Anticipating and addressing negativity in a negotiation can help prevent misunderstandings and negative reactions.
- Calling out negative emotions in advance can inoculate against them and prevent embarrassment or other negative outcomes.
- Proactive listening can improve communication and build respect in professional relationships.

- The speaker discusses the idea of employing the family members of kidnappers to tap into different aspects of their psyche.
- They acknowledge that there are people who have done horrendous things but still have positive aspects to their lives, such as loving their pets.
- In contained situations, family members can be used strategically to help negotiate with hostage takers.
- However, direct conversations with family members can also bring up old wounds and potentially make the situation worse.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the family system and the potential impact it has on an individual's behavior.

- The speaker acknowledges the complexity and high stakes of the job.
- They discuss the importance of finding ways to unload the heaviness and maintain functionality.
- The speaker emphasizes the value of supportive relationships, humor, and understanding in their line of work.
- They mention that they have tried to apply what they learned as an FBI agent and hostage negotiator to their current role as a company leader.
- The speaker mentions occasional bourbon consumption but emphasizes responsible drinking habits.

- The speaker is involved in running teams and providing service through various channels.
- They mention their book, "Never Split the Difference," and another book titled "The Body Keeps the Score."
- They discuss a new social media platform called Fireside, which is an interactive podcast and group coaching service.
- Fireside allows for direct interaction with the speaker and their team, providing coaching and answering questions.
- The speaker mentions their involvement in online training, a newsletter, and a book for residential real estate agents.

- The speaker believes that simple field-tested tools are powerful for changing the way people interact with each other.
- They wish that kids would learn to communicate using the "sounds like" perspective, as it promotes listening and understanding.
- The interviewer agrees and wonders how to teach children the importance of listening at a young age.
- The interviewer thanks the speaker for their time and acknowledges their generosity in sharing knowledge.
- The speaker expresses gratitude for being interviewed and praises the interviewer's work in providing actionable tools for effective navigation.

- The speaker uses a calm, low-frequency voice to calm themselves and others during tense situations.
- Low-frequency sounds have a calming effect on the brain and can change the emotional tone of the listener.
- Shifting from anger to calm is important for maintaining a positive mindset.
- The speaker mentions a tactic used in Panama and Waco where loud music was played to try to influence behavior, but hostage negotiators were against it.
- The Waco incident involved the Branch Davidians and ended tragically with the building being set on fire, resulting in the deaths of David Koresh and many others, including children.

- The transcript is thanking the audience for joining the discussion with Chris Voss.
- Links to Chris Voss's website, book, and social media handles are provided in the show notes.
- The audience is encouraged to subscribe to the YouTube channel, Spotify, and Apple podcasts, and leave a five-star review.
- Questions, comments, and suggestions for future podcast topics can be left in the YouTube comment section.
- The podcast has partnered with Momentus Supplements, which are of high quality and ship internationally. The supplements can be found at livemomentus.com/huberman.

- The speaker discusses negotiations that are benevolent, such as friendships and romantic relationships.
- They caution against using the phrase "win-win" in negotiations, as it can be a red flag for someone trying to take advantage.
- The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding the other person's perspective and making them feel heard in negotiations.
- They describe the process of hypothesis testing in negotiations, where both parties share their perspectives and collaborate to find the best outcome.
- The speaker shares personal experiences of people using the phrase "win-win" to deceive and take advantage of others.

- Establishing rapport and benevolent discovery of a topic is important in business relationships.
- Leading with generosity and offering something valuable without expecting anything in return is effective.
- The approach of giving without asking for much in return builds long-term relationships.
- The act of lending and giving away items without expecting them back can create goodwill and positive relationships.
- Providing good reviews and offering help without being asked can be enjoyable and beneficial.

- The speaker has been taking AG1 daily since 2012 and is happy that they are sponsoring the podcast.
- AG1 is a vitamin mineral probiotic drink that provides foundational nutrition.
- The speaker tries to get enough vitamins and minerals from whole food sources but often can't, so AG1 helps fill that gap.
- AG1 also contains adaptogens to help with stress and improves focus, energy, and sleep.
- The speaker recommends AG1 as the one supplement to take.

- The speaker shares a negotiation experience in the Philippines where a hostage was eventually released due to stalling tactics.
- In a different case, the Burnham-Sombrero case, two hostages were shot and killed by friendly fire, and other hostages were executed.
- The speaker collaborated with experts at Harvard to improve negotiation strategies after this case.
- The speaker highlights the lack of collaboration and communication within their own team and with the Philippine and US governments.
- The speaker also mentions subsequent cases involving Al-Qaeda where they were able to anticipate and mitigate potential harm.

- When negotiating with captors, it is important to identify their motivations and level of seriousness.
- Patterns of behavior and specificity in threats can indicate the seriousness of the captors' intentions.
- In a kidnapping negotiation, the specificity of threats can help determine the level of danger to the hostage.
- It is important to assess whether the captors have the means and ability to carry out their threats.
- In negotiations, the other side will be satisfied when they feel they have earned what they wanted.

- Urgency in requests for money or immediate action is often a red flag for scams.
- People can be exploited by creating a sense of urgency and manipulating their desire to help.
- It is important to verify the source of requests before taking immediate action.
- Scams involving fake kidnappings or threats to loved ones are common and prey on the fear and love of parents.
- Asking questions and seeking more information can help determine the legitimacy of a situation.

Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations | Huberman Lab Podcast